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Friday, 19 February 2016

In July Nigerian FA president Amaju Pinnick hailed Sunday Oliseh as the Guardiola of Africa but enter 2016 and the novice coach has delivered little.

The 41-year-old, who has played for Ajax Amsterdam, Borussia Dortmund and Juventus in the past, was brought in to rejuvenate the Super Eagles, Nigeria’s national team, after Stephen Keshi’s disappointing reign. But Oliseh’s erratic behaviour (notably his infamous YouTube rant), lack of experience and disappointing results have cast a shadow over Nigeria’s footballing future.
What were your emotions when you were appointed as head coach of Nigeria?
I was delighted when I was appointed because very few players get the opportunity in their careers to captain Nigeria and to coach Nigeria. It’s a dream for a lot of captains. For me, it is good to have this opportunity.

If I was European and not African, I would have already coached a top club in Europe.

It was also emotional to come out and take the dugout against Tanzania, because it was the beginning of a new cycle for the national team and the coach. It was good that we came away with a positive result.
You have limited coaching experience, so did your appointment come as a surprise?
No, Nigerians know that if I was European and not African, I would have already coached a top club in Europe. I think the Nigerian FA chose me because they feel I am the most qualified for the job at the moment.

In your opening press conference you said you only wanted to select players from solid leagues?
I mean leagues that are very competitive and where the level of play is high: the German league, the English league, the Spanish League and any player who plays in the Champions League or in the Europa League. Those are high-level competitions. Our own local Nigerian league is also getting better and better.
Do these players have an easier route to the national team?
No, those are fast competitions but they still have to come to the national team and compete for their positions.

Possession-based football is my philosophy.

If you are doing well at club level, you will get invited and we get everyone together. Then, the best players will play for Nigeria.
Does that ultimately translate into the possession-based football that you are trying to instill into the Super Eagles?
No, possession-based football is my philosophy. My understanding is that to win the game you have to keep the ball but for a player to be able to execute that possession-based football, you must come from a league that is very competitive. You are quick in your thinking and in your playing.
Which identity do you envisage for Nigeria?
I want the Nigerian identity. That’s our style of football; football the way we know it – a game that is technical, pacy and with the capability of being aggressive. Football needs to be aggressive.
Is there a particular coach that inspires you?
No, the inspiration comes from how I played and from my own playing career. Don’t forget that I played for Ajax, Juventus and Dortmund. Those are clubs that all play and keep the ball. So it doesn’t come from one coach but from the way I see football myself.

Obi Mikel of Nigeria during the Orange AFCON, Morocco 2015 Final Round Qualifier match between South Africa and Nigeria at Cape Town Stadium on September 10, 2014 © Getty Images

What did the UEFA Pro Licence course teach you? I learnt that being a coach is totally different from being a player. I can’t tell you [in what sense] but it’s two different jobs. It has been an advantage to have been the captain of the Super Eagles, because you get a lot of particular experience that most players won’t get.
Looking at the A-team, Ambrose and Balogun played well in defence against Cameroon. Is that something you want to build on?
Well, it’s difficult to say that now. I was pleased with Ambrose and Balogun but they are all part of the team that we are building. They are definitely in our plans for the new Super Eagles in the future.
In midfield you bring the likes of Onazi and Igbun, is that a way of preventing the midfield collapses under Keshi?
No, I don’t want to be compared to anybody, because that’s unfair. I am not choosing my team based on the past or on what may have happened.

I try to work with the players to get the best out of them.

I am choosing my team based on what I think is best for Nigeria. That’s what I do. I use the players I have in the best way I can.
Mikel excelled against DRC and Cameroon but you didn’t field against Swaziland in Port Harcourt. Is he part of your long-term plans?
He is a very good player. You are not part of the Chelsea setup by mistake; you get there because you are good and have a lot of qualities. He sees and reads the game very well. I try to work with the players to get the best out of them. I select the players and they come to the national team. They have to fight for their position.
You seem to have set ideas about your team selection but did the Enyeama incident create instability in your squad?
No, that chapter is closed and the team has moved on. I expect [new captain] Musa to bring his experience from his club, his calm nature and his hunger to win. He has also been with the Super Eagles for a long time.

What are your reflections on the qualifiers against Swaziland?
It was very satisfying to win and to qualify [for the next round]. I was never in doubt [that we would qualify]. It’s difficult when the opponent sits deeps and that’s exactly what they did.They had one chance in the second leg. We had plenty of opportunities but for a long time we didn’t take our chances.
In which areas do you want your team to improve?
In every area – in the defense, in the midfield and in the attack. We have just started as a team; it’s normal.

It’s a crazy job and you don’t know what will happen.

In time I would like to have qualified for the African Cup of Nations and be further on our way to the World Cup in Russia. As I’ve said, we have just started.
In general Nigeria doesn’t produce the caliber of players of a Nwankwo Kanu or an Oliseh, how can this situation be turned around?
The most important step to return to greatness is to make the national team play good. That’s why I am trying to get Nigeria a style of play and to get out the best through this style. The Nigerian FA is trying to bring an awareness that there needs to be a certain style of play at youth level.
The senior team must continue o

How Snoring Can Seriously Damage Your Health

The complex interaction of body parts that creates snoring is a recipe for disaster. A lot of people are not even aware of the fact that they are snoring or that this affects their quality of sleep. It also worsens as we age, meaning that one day you don’t have a problem and the next day you do. Snoring can even develop into full-on obstructive sleep apnea (OSA), which can cause anxiety and depression and lead to poor performance at work.
The air blockage caused by snoring also keeps air out of the lungs, and can send your body into suffocation mode. This panicked state releases endorphins and other chemicals that actually damage the body on a nightly basis.
The non-sleep you get with OSA makes you suffer all day long. You start feeling like a zombie (and you may look like one too.) You won’t realize your snoring was keeping you up, but you will feel like you aren’t quite there, you aren’t 100%.
Only the use of a jaw supporter to firmly hold the lower jaw in place can retrain the oral tissues to stay put. It may take some time, but snoring will stop and with it you gain the added health benefits of a proper rest.

Fairy-tale love is hard to find. Here are some tips for keeping your relationship healthy and happy.

One of the most common questions we hear is, "How do we make our relationship work?" The answers are complicated, varied, and after a while, start to sound like muddled platitudes. But these commonplace sayings get repeated because they work. With this in mind, we pulled together 12 cliches that, in fact, reveal simple, tried-and-true advice for having a healthy, happy relationship. Read on and let us know what you think:
1. Mind your manners. "Please," "thank you" and "you're welcome," can go a long way in helping your partner remember that you respect and love him and don't take him for granted.
2. Variety is the spice of life. Studies have shown that dullness can lead to dissatisfaction with a relationship. Trying something new can be as simple as visiting an unfamiliar restaurant or as grand as a backpacking trip through Sri Lanka. Discoveries you make together will keep you feeling close.
3. The couple that plays together, stays together. Find a sport or hobby that you both love (no, watching TV doesn't count) and make it a priority in your relationship. Camping, biking, building model trains. .. whatever it is, find something you enjoy doing together.
4. Fight right. In order to have productive arguments, keep these rules in mind: Don't call your spouse names. When things get really tough, take a break from the argument. Let the other person finish his/her sentences. Don't initiate a discussion when you're angry.
5. I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine. No one likes demands (unless you're in a BDSM role play) but everyone can appreciate a compromise. If you want your lover to do something and you're not sure he'll be agreeable, the quickest way to avoid a confrontation is to sweeten the deal. For example: "Sure, I'll watch Monday Night Football if you take me to see the next movie of my choice."
6. Two heads are better than one. Being in a relationship basically means you've made a merger; you've not only joined assets but inherited the other's problems as well. Rather than looking at his problems as merely his own, tackle them together. For example, if he's gaining weight, rather than pushing him to diet on his own, enroll in an exercise program together.
7. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. Maintain your own friendships and occasionally have a night out without your significant other. Doing things without your s.o. not only makes you miss him or her, it also keeps you sane. And in case the relationship doesn't work out, you'll still have your friends.
8. Sound it out. It other words: communicate! Talking out the tough subjects — money, religion, fidelity, raising kids —will not be the most fun you've had, but it'll be valuable.
9. Laughter is the best medicine. Learn to laugh at yourself and at silly mistakes. If he throws your $300 cashmere sweater in the dryer, laughing it off is better than getting angry in the long run. It's just a $300 cashmere sweater, not the end of the world.
10. Keep your eyes on the prize. Yes, he forgot your co-worker's name for the tenth time, but it probably doesn't mean he doesn't care about you. If you keep your perspective fixed on the goal — to be in a happy, functioning partnership — you're less likely to get tangled up in every minor annoyance. Remember, you both want the same thing.
11. Quitters never win. Find a ritual and keep it alive, no matter what. Whether it's always kissing each other good night, renewing your wedding vows every year, sleeping in as late as you want once a month or committing to having sex once a week, pick something that makes you both feel good and stick to it, even when you're tempted to skip.
12. When the going gets tough, the tough get going ... to therapy. Studies show that couples who seek counseling during rocky periods are more successful in resolving their issues than those who don't. Whether its from a religious figure, counselor or mental health professional, getting an expert to help sort out strife is as wise as forgoing self-installation and hiring a plumber to put in a new sink.

Relationship Help

Everyone’s relationship is unique, and people come together for many different reasons. But there are some things that good relationships have in common. Knowing the basic principles of healthy relationships helps keep them meaningful, fulfilling, and exciting in both happy times and sad:
What makes a healthy love relationship?

Staying involved with each other. Some relationships get stuck in peaceful coexistence, but without truly relating to each other and working together. While it may seem stable on the surface, lack of involvement and communication increases distance. When you need to talk about something important, the connection and understanding may no longer be there.
Getting through conflict. Some couples talk things out quietly, while others may raise their voices and passionately disagree. The key in a strong relationship, though, is not to be fearful of conflict. You need to be safe to express things that bother you without fear of retaliation, and be able to resolve conflict without humiliation, degradation, or insisting on being right.
Keeping outside relationships and interests alive. No one person can meet all of our needs, and expecting too much from someone can put a lot of unhealthy pressure on a relationship. Having friends and outside interests not only strengthens your social network, but brings new insights and stimulation to the relationship, too.
Communicating. Honest, direct communication is a key part of any relationship. When both people feel comfortable expressing their needs, fears, and desires, trust and bonds are strengthened. Nonverbal cues—body language like eye contact, leaning forward or away, or touching someone’s arm—are critical to communication.

Relationship advice tip 1: Keep physical intimacy alive

Touch is a fundamental part of human existence. Studies on infants have shown the importance of regular, loving touch and holding on brain development. These benefits do not end in childhood. Life without physical contact with others is a lonely life indeed.
Studies have shown that affectionate touch actually boosts the body’s levels of oxytocin, a hormone that influences bonding and attachment. In a committed relationship between two adult partners, physical intercourse is often a cornerstone of the relationship. However, intercourse should not be the only method of physical intimacy in a relationship. Regular, affectionate touch—holding hands, hugging, or kissing—is equally important.
Be sensitive to what your partner likes. While touch is a key part of a healthy relationship, it’s important to take some time to find out what your partner really likes. Unwanted touching or inappropriate overtures can make the other person tense up and retreat—exactly what you don’t want.

Relationship advice tip 2: Spend quality time together

You probably have fond memories of when you were first dating your loved one. Everything may have seemed new and exciting, and you may have spent hours just chatting together or coming up with new, exciting things to try. However, as time goes by, children, demanding jobs, long commutes, different hobbies and other obligations can make it hard to find time together. It’s critical for your relationship, though, to make time for yourselves. If you don’t have quality time, communication and understanding start to erode.

Couples are often more fun and playful in the early stages of a relationship. However, this playful attitude can sometimes be forgotten as life challenges or old resentments start getting in the way. Keeping a sense of humor can actually help you get through tough times, reduce stress, and work through issues more easily.

Focus on having fun together

Think about playful ways to surprise your partner, like bringing flowers or a favorite movie home unexpectedly.
Learn from the “play experts” together. Playing with pets or small children can really help you reconnect with your playful side. If it’s something you do together, you also learn more about your partner and how he or she likes to have fun.
Make a habit of laughing together whenever you can. Most situations are not as bleak as they appear to be when you approach them with humor.

Learning how to play again

A little humor and playful interaction can go a long way in relieving tense situations and helping you see the brighter side. If you’re feeling a little rusty, learn more about how playful communication can improve your relationship, and for fun ways to practice this skill.

Relationship advice tip 3: Never stop communicating

Good communication is a fundamental part of a healthy relationship. When people stop communicating well, they stop relating well, and times of change or stress can really bring out disconnect. As long as you are communicating, you can work through whatever problem you’re facing.

Learn your partner’s emotional cues

Each of us is a little different in how we best receive information. Some people might respond better to sight, sound, or touch. Your partner’s responses may be different from yours. Take some time to learn your partner’s cues, and be sure to communicate your own as well. For example, one person might find a brief massage after a stressful day a loving mode of communication—while another might just want to talk over a hot cup of tea.
So much of our communication is transmitted by what we don’t say. Nonverbal cues—such as eye contact, leaning forward or away, or touching someone’s arm—communicate much more than words. For a relationship to work well, each person has to be receptive to sending and receiving nonverbal cues. Learning to understand this “body language” can help you better understand what your partner is trying to say. Think about what you are transmitting as well, and if what you say matches what you feel. If you say “I’m fine,” but you clench your teeth and look away, then your body is clearly signaling you are not.

Question your assumptions

If you’ve known each other for a while, you may assume that your partner has a pretty good idea of what you are thinking and what you need. However, your partner is not a mind reader. While your partner may have some idea, it is much healthier to directly express your needs to avoid any confusion. Your partner may sense something, but it might not be what you need. What’s more, people change, and what you needed and wanted five years ago, for example, may be very different now. Getting in the habit of expressing your needs helps you weather difficult times, which otherwise may lead to increasing resentment, misunderstanding, and anger.

Use your senses to keep stress in check

If you’re not calm and focused, you won’t be able to communicate effectively. The best way to reduce stress quickly and reliably is through the senses. But each person responds differently to sensory input, so you need to find things that are soothing to you.

Relationship advice tip 4: Healthy relationships are built on give and take

If you expect to get what you want 100% of a time in a relationship, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Healthy relationships are built on compromise, and it takes work on each person’s part to make sure that there is a reasonable exchange.

Recognize what’s important to your partner

Knowing what is truly important to your partner can go a long way towards building goodwill and an atmosphere of compromise. On the flip side, it’s also important for your partner to recognize your wants and for you to state them clearly. Constantly compromising your needs for others' will build resentment and anger.

Don’t make “winning” your goal

If you approach your partner with the attitude that things have to be your way or else, it will be difficult to reach a compromise. Sometimes this attitude comes from not having your needs met while you were younger, or it could be from years of accumulated resentment building up in your current relationship. It’s all right to have strong convictions about something, but your partner deserves to be heard as well. You are more likely to get your needs met if you respect what your partner needs, and compromise when you can.

Learn how to respectfully resolve conflict

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but to keep a relationship strong, both people need to feel they’ve been heard. The goal is not to win but to resolve the conflict with respect and love.

Make sure you are fighting fair.
Don’t attack someone directly; use “I” statements to communicate how you feel.
Don’t drag old arguments into the mix.
Keep the focus on the issue at hand, and respect the other person.

Relationship advice tip 5: Expect ups and downs

It’s also important to recognize that there are ups and downs in every relationship. You won’t always be on the same page. Sometimes one partner may be struggling with an issue that stresses them, such as the death of a close family member. Other events, like job loss or severe health problems, can affect both partners and make it difficult to relate to each other. You might have different ideas of managing finances or raising children. Different people cope with stress differently, and misunderstanding can rapidly turn to frustration and anger.

Relationship advice for getting through life’s ups and downs

Don’t take out your problems on your partner. Life stresses can make us short tempered. If you are coping with a lot of stress, it might seem easier to snap at your partner. Fighting like this might initially feel like a release, but it slowly poisons your relationship. Find other ways to vent your anger and frustration.
Some problems are bigger than both of you. Trying to force a solution can cause even more problems. Every person works through problems and issues in his or her own way. Remember that you’re a team. Continuing to move forward together can get you through the rough spots.
Be open to change. Change is inevitable in life, and it will happen whether you go with it or fight it. Flexibility is essential to adapt to the change that is always taking place in any relationship, and it allows you to grow together through both the good times and the bad.
Don’t ignore problems. Whatever problems arise in a romantic relationship, it’s important to face them together as a couple. If an aspect of the relationship stops working, don’t simply ignore it, but instead address it with your partner. Things change, so respond to them together as they do.

ABUJA – The detained leader of the Indigenous People of Biafra, IPOB, Mr. Nnamdi Kanu, who is facing a six-count treason charge, has opposed an application by the federal government to conduct his trial in secret. FG had in the application it filed before the Federal High Court sitting in Abuja, decried that all the witnesses billed to testify against Kanu and two other pro-Biafra agitators, Benjamin Madubugwu and David Nwawuisi, who are facing trial with him, have declined to appear in court. Director of Radio Biafra, Nnamdi Kanu, sandwiched between security operaives, leaving the court yesterday in Abuja.Director of Radio Biafra, Nnamdi Kanu, sandwiched between security operaives, leaving the court yesterday in Abuja. It said the witnesses insisted that they would not testify against the defendants unless their safety was guaranteed. Consequently, government lawyer, Mr. David Kaswe,‎ prayed trial Justice John Tsoho to issue an order protecting the identities of the witnesses by ‎allowing them to either wear facial mask or to testify behind screens. FG equally applied for an order excluding persons except journalists from witnessing the proceedings. “The measure is to safeguard the lives of prosecution witnesses who live in the geographical region where the defendants come from. Since their arrest, there has been violent protests for the defendants to be released. “The witnesses have already indicated fear to give evidence in view of perceived backlash. My lord, they have categorically informed us that unless they could be guaranteed some form of protection by the court, they would not come to testify. “In the light is t‎his, the case of the prosecution will be greatly affected should there be any reason for the witnesses not to come to court”, Kaswe submitted. Meanwhile, Kanu, through his lead counsel, Chief Chuks Muoma, SAN, vehemently opposed the application which he said grossly lacked merit. He argued that section 36(4) of the 1999 constitution made no provision for masquerades to testify in a trial ‎involving an alleged act of treason. “An accused person under our jurisprudence and justice ad‎ministration must be confronted with his accusers eye-ball to eye-ball. “My lord we operate an accusatorial‎ system of procedure under the common law. Justice must not only be done but must be seen to have been done. “It is not within common sense to malign and accuse someone in public and apply to try him in the bedroom. Having been accused in public we want to also be tried in public. “We therefore urge this court not to allow masquerades to testify before it. We want to see their faces and ask them questions. As masquerades, how will the court be able to gauge their demeanour and body language? Is it by the rhythm of their dance steps? “The tenets of justice outweigh this application and we urge my lord to reject it. It has no merit whatsoever. Secret trial is for terrorism charge, it is not for the type of offence for which these defendants were charged. “Secret trial does not apply in a case of treasonable felony or involvement in alleged ‎unlawful society. During the trial we will prove to them that we are not an illegal organisation”, Muoma added. After listening to the parties, Justice Tsoho stood down ruling on the matter till 2pm. Kanu who was hitherto the Director of Radio Biafra and Television, ‎has been in detention since October 14, 2015, when he was arrested by security operatives upon his arrival to Nigeria from his base in the United Kingdom. The defendants were alleged to have committed treasonable felony, an offence punishable under Section 41(C) of the Criminal Code Act, CAP C38 Laws of the Federation of Nigeria. FG alleged that they were the ones managing the affairs of the IPOB which it described as “an unlawful society”. Specifically, Kanu was alleged to have illegally smuggled radio transmitters into Nigeria, which he used to disseminate “hate broadcasts”, encouraging the “secession of the Republic ofBiafra”, from Nigeria. However, the accused persons, pleaded not guilty to the charge on January 20, even as the court ordered their remand at Kuje prison ‎in Abuja.

Read more at: http://www.vanguardngr.com/2016/02/biafra-kanu-rejects-fgs-request-for-secret-trial/

Dating Tips for Finding the Right Person

How to Navigate New Relationships and Find Lasting Love

Single and looking for love? Dating’s hard enough without the emotional baggage you may be bringing to the table. And when you’re having trouble finding a love connection, it’s all too easy to buy into the destructive myths out there about dating and relationships. That’s why you may want to start by re-assessing your beliefs and expectations about love—especially if you’ve been burned repeatedly or have a poor track record when it comes to dating.

Learning how to keep things in perspective, watch for red flags, and deal with trust issues will put you on the path to finding a loving relationship that lasts.

Obstacles to finding lasting love

Life as a single person offers many rewards, including learning how to build a healthy relationship with yourself. However, if you’re ready to share your life with someone and want to build a lasting, worthwhile relationship, life as a single person can also be very frustrating.
Finding the right romantic partner is often a difficult journey, for several reasons. Perhaps you grew up in a household where there was no role model of a solid, healthy relationship and you doubt that such a thing even exists. Or maybe your dating history consists only of short, abrupt relationships where you or your partner gets bored too soon, and you don't know how to make a relationship last. You could be attracted to the wrong type of person or keep making the same bad choices over and over, due to an unresolved issue from your past. It's also possible you're not putting yourself in the best environments to meet the right person, or that when you do, you don't feel confident enough to approach someone. Whatever the case may be, it's important to believe that a healthy romantic relationship for you exists in the future.
It's also important to recognize that relationships are never perfect and always require lots of work, compromise, and a willingness to resolve conflict in a positive way. To find and build any relationship worth keeping, you may need to start by re-assessing some of your misconceptions about dating and relationships that can prevent you from finding lasting love:

How to Make Close Friends

Tips on Meeting People and Building Strong Friendships

We all know that friendship is a good thing. But did you know that friends have a huge impact on your happiness and quality of life? Good friends relieve stress, provide comfort and joy, prevent loneliness and isolation, and even strengthen your health. Despite their importance, close friendships don’t just happen. Many of us struggle to meet new friends and develop quality connections. Even when we’re willing to put in the time and effort, we don’t always know how to go about it. But whatever your age or circumstances, it's never too late to make new friends or reconnect with old ones. These tips can help.

Why friends are important

Our society tends to place an emphasis on romantic relationships. We think that if we can just find that right person, we’ll be happy and fulfilled. But research shows that friends are more important to psychological well-being than even our love and family relationships. Friends bring more happiness into our lives than virtually anything else. Not only that, our friendships (or lack thereof) have a powerful impact on our physical health. Studies show that a lack of social connection can be as damaging as smoking, drinking too much, or leading a sedentary lifestyle. The quality of our friendships is even tied to longevity. A recent Swedish study found that, along with physical activity, maintaining a rich social network of friends can add significant years to your life. And it’s never too late to improve your social life and increase your circle of friends.

Why online friends aren’t enough

Technology has shifted the definition of friendship in recent years. With the click of a button, we can add a friend or make a new connection. But having hundreds of online friends is not the same as having a close friend you can turn to or be with in person. Technology can facilitate social opportunities by helping you reconnect with old friends, start new relationships with people around the world who share similar interests, and maintain relationships with friends who don't live nearby. However, online friends can't hug you when a crisis hits, visit you when you're sick, or celebrate a happy occasion with you after work.
Our most important and powerful connections happen when we’re face-to-face. So make it a priority to stay in touch in the real world, not just online. You’ll get a lot more out of an in-person conversation than you will over text or social media comments.

The benefits of friendship

Good friends add special meaning to life. They help you share the good times and overcome the difficult ones. Among other things, good friends can:

Improve your mood. Happiness can be infectious. Spending time with happy and positive friends can elevate your mood and boost your outlook.
Help you to reach your goals. Whether you're trying to get fit, give up smoking, or otherwise improve your life, encouragement from a friend can really boost your willpower and increase your chances of success.
Reduce your stress and depression. Having an active social life can bolster your immune system and help reduce isolation, a major contributing factor for depression.
Support you through tough times. Even if it's just having someone to share your problems with, friends can help you cope with serious illness, the loss of a job or loved one, the breakup of a relationship, or any other challenge in life.
Support you as you age. As you age, retirement, illness, and the death of loved ones can often leave you isolated. Having people you can turn to for company and support can provide purpose as you age and be a buffer against depression, disability, hardship, and loss. Staying socially engaged as you age keeps you feeling positive and boosts your happiness.
Boost your sense of self-worth. Friendship is a two-way street, and the “give” side of the give-and-take contributes to your own sense of value and self-worth. Being there for your friends makes you feel needed and adds purpose to your life.

What to look for in a friend

Ideally, a friend is someone you trust who shares a deep level of understanding and communication with you. A good friend will show a genuine interest in what's going on in your life, what you have to say, and how you think and feel about things. He or she will accept you for who you are and listen to you attentively without judging you, telling your how to think or feel, or trying to change the subject.
As friendship works both ways, a friend is also someone you feel comfortable supporting and accepting, and someone with whom you share a bond of trust and loyalty. A good friend will feel comfortable sharing things about themselves with you.

Focus on the way a friendship feels, not what it looks like

When looking for new friends, try not to get too caught up in external qualifications and criteria. The most important thing in a friendship is how the relationship makes you feel—not how it looks on paper, how many things you have in common, or what others think. Ask yourself the following questions:

Do I feel better after spending time with this person?
Do I feel free to be myself around this person?
Do I feel safe, or do I feel like I have to watch what I say and do?
Is the person supportive of me? Does he or she treat me with respect?
Is this a person I feel that I could trust?

The bottom line: it the friendship feels good, it is good. But if a person tries to control you, criticizes you, abuses your generosity, or brings unwanted danger, drama, or negative influences into your life, it’s time to take a hard look at the value of the friendship. A good friendship does not require you to act against your own values, always agree with the other person, or disregard your own needs.

How to be more friendly and social

If you tend to be introverted or shy, it can feel uncomfortable to put yourself out there socially. But you don't have to be naturally outgoing or the life of the party to make new friends. You can make the extra effort to be more friendly and open to others, while still maintaining your own personality.

Focus on others, not yourself. The key to connecting to other people is showing interest in them. When you’re truly interested in someone else’s thoughts, feelings, experiences, stories, and opinions, it shows—and they’ll like you for it. You’ll make far more friends by showing your interest rather than trying to get people interested in you.
Be genuine. Showing interest in others can’t be faked. If you’re just pretending to listen or care, others will pick up on it. Rather than fostering greater connection, your efforts will likely backfire. No one likes to be manipulated or placated. If you’re not genuinely interested in the other person, than stop trying to connect.
Pay attention. Make an effort to truly listen to the other person. By paying close attention to what they say, do, and how they interact, you’ll quickly get to know them. Little things go a long way, such as remembering someone’s preferences, the stories they’ve told you, and what’s going on in their life.

Self-disclosure: the key to turning acquaintances into friends

We all have acquaintances—people we exchange small talk with as we go about our day or trade jokes or insights with online. These relationships can be fulfilling in their own right, but what if you want to turn a casual acquaintance into a true friend?
Friendship is characterized by intimacy. True friends know things about each other: their values, struggles, goals, and interests. If you’d like to transition from acquaintances to friends, the best way to do so is to open up to the other person. You don’t have to reveal your most closely-held secret. Start small with something a little bit more personal than what you normally discuss and see how the other person responds. Do they seem interested and receptive? Do they reciprocate by disclosing something about themselves?

Gauging interest

Establishing and maintaining a friendship takes time and effort, and not everyone is open to that at all times. Friendship takes two, so it’s important to evaluate whether the other person is looking for new friends.

Do they ask you questions about yourself, as if they’d like to get to know you better?
Do they tell you things about themselves beyond surface small talk?
Do they give you their full attention when you see them?
Does the other person seem interested in exchanging contact information or making specific plans to get together?

If you can’t answer “yes” to most of these questions, the person may not be the best candidate at this time for friendship. They may not be open to a new friendship now, even if they genuinely like you. Maybe their social calendar is already overfilled or they’re too busy with other responsibilities. There are many possible reasons, so try not to take it personally!

Tips for meeting new people

Proximity is a huge factor in who we become friends with. We tend to make friends with people we cross paths with regularly: people we go to school with, work with, or live next to. The more we see someone, the more likely the chance of a friendship developing. So the places you frequent regularly are a good place to look for potential friends.
Another big factor in friendship is common interests. We tend to be drawn to people we share things with: an offbeat sense of humor, hobby, the same cultural background, a shared major or career path, kids the same age. Think about the things you like to do, the causes you care about, or anything you’re passionate about. Where could you go to meet people who share the same interests?

Making new friends: Where to start

When looking for places to meet new people, try to be open to new ideas and experiences. Not everything you try will be successful but you can always learn from the experience and hopefully have some fun while you’re at it.

Volunteering can be a great way to help others while also meeting new people. Volunteering also gives you the opportunity to regularly practice and develop your social skills.
Take a class or join a club to meet people with common interests, such as a book group, dinner club, or sports team. Websites such as Meetup.com can help you find local groups or start your own and connect with others who share similar interests.
Walk a dog. It's good exercise for you, great fun for the animal, and an excellent way to meet people. Dog owners often stop and chat while their dogs sniff or play with each other. If dog ownership isn't right for you, volunteer to walk dogs from a shelter or a local rescue group.
Invite a neighbor or work colleague for a drink or to a movie. Lots of other people feel just as uncomfortable about reaching out and making new friends as you do. Be the one to break the ice. Your neighbor or colleague will thank you later.
Track down old friends via social media sites. Make the effort to reconnect and then turn your "online" friends into "real-world" friends by meeting up for coffee instead of chatting on Facebook or Twitter.
Connect with your alumni association. Many colleges have alumni associations that meet regularly. You already have the college experience in common; talking about old times can be an easy conversation starter. Some associations also sponsor community service events or workshops where you can meet more people.
Carpool to work. Many companies offer carpool programs. If your employer doesn't, simply ask your colleagues if they would like to share rides. It's a good conversation starter and will help you connect to people who live near you, as well as save on transport costs.
Attend art gallery openings, book readings, lectures, music recitals, or other community events where you can meet people with similar interests. Check with your library or local paper for events near you.

What's stopping you from making friends?

Is something stopping you from building the friendships you’d like to have? Here are some of the common reasons people give—plus what you can do about it.

Too busy

Lots of us feel overbooked and overstressed, so it’s not surprising that we sometimes feel too busy for friends. Developing and maintaining friendships does take time and effort—there’s no getting around it. But even with a packed schedule, you can find ways to prioritize your friendships and make the time.

Put it on your calendar. Schedule time for your friends just as you do for your less-enjoyable responsibilities. Make it automatic with a weekly or monthly standing appointment. Or simply make sure that you never leave a get together with a friend without setting the next date.
Mix business and pleasure. Figure out a way to combine your socializing with errands or activities that you or your friend has to do anyways. It can be anything: going to the gym, getting a pedicure, walking the dog, shopping. It’s an easy way to spend time together while still being productive.
Group it. If you truly don’t have time for multiple one-on-one sessions with friends, set up a group get together. It’s a good way to connect and also to introduce your friends to each other. Of course, you’ll need to make sure you’re organizing a compatible group.

Fear of rejection

Making new friends means putting yourself out there, and that can be scary. It’s especially intimidating if you’re someone with trust issues—someone who's been betrayed, traumatized, or abused in the past, or someone with an insecure attachment bond.
When you’re unable to trust others, your friendships will be dominated by fear—fear of betrayal, fear of being let down, fear of feeling vulnerable. But it is possible to learn to trust others. By working with the right therapist, you can identify the source of your mistrust and explore ways to build trust in existing and future friendships.
For more general insecurities and fear or rejection, it helps to evaluate your attitude. Are you telling yourself that if someone isn’t as interested in you as you are in them that it will be absolutely horrible and humiliating and the worst thing ever? Do you feel as if any rejection will haunt you forever or prove that you’re unlikeable or destined to be friendless? These fears get in the way of making satisfying connections. In that way, fear of rejection can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Nobody likes to be rejected, but there are healthier ways to look at it that can make it less upsetting.

Just because someone isn’t interested in talking or hanging out doesn’t automatically mean they’re rejecting you as a person. They may be busy, distracted, or have other things going on.
If someone does reject you, that doesn’t mean that you’re worthless or unlovable. Maybe they’re having a bad day. Maybe they misread you or misinterpreted what you said. Or maybe they’re not a nice person! Again, a rejection is not necessarily a reflection on you.
You’re not going to like everyone you meet, and vice versa. Like dating, building a solid network of friends can be a numbers game. Try to focus on the long-term goal of making quality connections, rather than getting caught up in the friendships that didn’t pan out.
Keep rejection in perspective. It never feels good, but it’s rarely as bad as you imagine it will be. It’s unlikely that others are sitting around talking about it. There’s no big “R” for reject on your forehead branding you for life. Instead of beating yourself up, give yourself credit for trying and see what you can learn from the experience.

Improve your friendships by being a better friend

Remember that making a friend is just the beginning of the journey into friendship. Friendships take time to form and even more time to deepen. In order to move from acquaintance to close friend, you need to nurture and invest in that new connection. It's a process that requires time, effort, and a genuine interest in the other person.

Be the friend that you would like to have. Treat your friend just as you want them to treat you. Be reliable, thoughtful, trustworthy, and willing to share yourself and your time.
Be a good listener. To develop a solid friendship with someone, be prepared to listen and support them just as you want them to listen and support you.
Give your friend space. Don't be too clingy or needy, and be sure not to abuse your friend's generosity. Everyone needs space to be alone or spend time with other people as well.
Don't set too many rules and expectations. Instead, allow your friendship to evolve naturally. You're both unique individuals so your friendship probably won't develop exactly as you expect.
Be forgiving. No one is perfect and every friend will make mistakes. No friendship develops smoothly so when there's a bump in the road, try to find a way to overcome the problem and move on. It will often deepen the bond of friendship between you.

Cervical cancer risks and causes

How common cervical cancer is

Around 3,100 women are diagnosed with cervical cancer in the UK each year. Overall, about 2 out of every 100 cancers diagnosed in women (2%) are cervical cancers. But it is the most common cancer in women under 35 years old.
More than 4 million women are invited for cervical screening each year in England. Around 1 in 100 women screened has a moderate or high grade abnormality (1%). Early treatment can prevent these cervical changes developing into cancer.

Anything that increases your risk of getting a disease is called a risk factor. Different cancers have different risk factors. This page discusses the risk factors for cervical cancer. Even if you have one or more of the risk factors below, it does not mean that you will definitely get cervical cancer.

Human papilloma virus (HPV) is the major cause of the main types of cervical cancer – squamous cell cancer and adenocarcinoma. There are over 100 different types of human papilloma virus (HPV). At least 40 types are passed on through sexual contact. Some types are called the wart virus or genital wart virus because they cause genital warts. The types of HPV that cause warts do not usually cause cell changes that develop into cancer.
At least 15 types of HPV are considered high risk for cancer of the cervix - they include types 16 and 18. These 2 types cause about 7 out of 10 cancers of the cervix (70%). If you have persistent infections with high risk types of HPV, you are more at risk of developing pre cancerous cervical cells or cervical cancer.
HPV is common. Most sexually active women will come into contact with at least one type of HPV during their lifetime. But for most the virus causes no harm and goes away on its own. So other factors must be needed for cancer to develop. If men use a condom during penetrative sex, this reduces the risk of a woman becoming infected with HPV.
There are now vaccines to prevent HPV infection. All girls aged 12 or 13 in the UK are routinely offered the HPV vaccine at school. These vaccines protect against the strains of HPV that are most likely to cause cervical cancer. But they don't protect against all strains. It will take some years before the introduction of the vaccine has a major effect on reducing the number of cases of cervical cancer. So it is still important to carry on with cervical cancer screening.

One study has shown having both herpes and HPV infection may increase the risk of cervical cancer, after taking into account HPV infection and the number of sex partners women had and their use of the pill. However, another more recent study has shown no link.
Another study looked at infection with HPV and chlamydia (pronounced klah-mid-ee-ah). The study found that the risk of squamous cell cancer around doubled in women with both infections.

If you smoke, you are more likely to develop squamous cell cervical cancer. Researchers have found cancer causing chemicals (benzyrene) from cigarette smoke in the cervical mucus of women who smoke. They think that these chemicals damage the cervix. There are cells in the lining of the cervix called Langerhans cells that specifically help fight against disease. These cells do not work so well in smokers.
If you have a high risk type of HPV infection and smoke, you are twice as likely to have pre cancerous cells in your cervical screening test, or to get cervical cancer. The Langerhans cells are less able to fight off the virus and protect the cervical cells from the genetic changes that can lead to cancer.
A type of study called a meta analysis combines the results of several individual studies looking into a particular topic. This is more reliable than the results of a single study. A recent meta analysis showed the risk of squamous cell cervical cancer is doubled in women who currently smoke. An estimated 7% of cervical cancers in the UK are linked to smoking.

If you have a weakened immune system, then your risk of many cancers, including cervical cancer, is higher than average. People with HIV and AIDS, or people taking drugs to suppress their immune systems after an organ transplant, are more at risk of developing cervical cancer if they also have HPV infection. However, if you have had an organ transplant and have regular cervical screening, your risks will be the same as the general population.
This is because a healthy immune system normally protects you from cells that have become abnormal. Your immune system will kill off the cells and so prevent them from becoming cancerous.

Research that looked at a number of studies together shows that taking the pill could increase a woman's risk of developing cervical cancer. It is not clear why this is. The researchers took account of other factors, such as the number of sexual partners, smoking, and most importantly, infection with HPV. Researchers suspected that there was a link with taking the pill, but clear evidence has not come out of the studies until more recently.
Before now we thought that the pill was statistically linked to cervical cancer because women on the pill are more likely to be sexually active and so more at risk of picking up HPV. Also, they do not necessarily use barrier contraception (condom or cap) which could prevent them picking up the HPV. But now it seems that it may actually directly increase the risk.
Recent research suggests that amongst women who have taken the pill for at least 5 years, risk is almost doubled. But this is still a small risk, and it is important to know that taking the pill can help to protect you against womb and ovarian cancers.
The evidence suggests that the increased risk of cervical cancer begins to drop as soon as you stop taking the pill. After 10 years the risk is the same as if you had never taken it. The important thing to remember is that regular screening can pick up changes in the cervix before they develop into a cancer. Obviously, screening is now very important for women taking the pill.

Some research suggests that women with partners who have been circumcised are less likely to get cervical cancer. This may be because men who are circumcised are less likely to carry HPV infection. This research took into account different factors relating to sexual behaviour.

You will quite often hear that women who started having sex young or women who have a lot of different sex partners are more likely to get cervical cancer. But really, this is only true because the earlier you start having sex and the more men you have sex with, the more likely you are to pick up an infection with a high risk (cancer causing) human papilloma virus (HPV). And so then you are more at risk of developing cervical cancer.
It is not correct to say that women who get cervical cancer have it because they were promiscuous (slept around). After all, you could have only slept with one man and still caught the virus if he had it. If he's had lots of partners, that will increase your risk, because it indirectly exposes you to possible sexual infections from lots of other people.
Health education may help women reduce their exposure to HPV and so reduce the risk of cervical cancer. Some studies have shown that teaching women about healthy sexual behaviour, such as using condoms, avoiding sex when they are young, learning how to talk to their partner about safe sex and reducing the number of sexual partners, can help them behave in ways that may lower their cervical cancer risk.

There is no evidence to say that pregnancy is linked with the risk of cervical cancer. Women who are pregnant may have cervical screening and so this can lead to women being diagnosed with pre cancerous changes or cervical cancer while they are pregnant.

Women who have had children are at an increased risk of squamous cell cervical cancer compared to those who haven't. Women who have had 7 or more children have double the risk of squamous cell cervical cancer compared to women who have had only 1 child. Having your first baby before the age of 17 also gives a higher risk, compared to women who had their first baby after the age of 25. There is no link to adenocarcinoma. This research took into account HPV infection, number of sexual partners and the age women were when they first had sex. And they found that HPV infection did not explain the increase in cervical cancer. However the reasons for this are unclear.

One study showed that women with a first degree relative (mother, sister or daughter) diagnosed with adenocarcinoma or squamous cell carcinoma of the cervix have around double the risk of developing cervical cancer, compared to women without a family history. But we don’t know whether this is linked to faulty genes, or whether it is due to common lifestyle factors and it is just one study.

Around 1 out of 100 cervical cancers in women in the UK (1%) are thought to be linked to occupation. This is due to exposure to a chemical called tetrachloroethylene. This is used in dry cleaning and metal degreasing.

Social Class

It has also been shown that women living in the poorest (most deprived) areas of the UK are more likely to develop cervical cancer than those living in more wealthy areas.

Diethylstilboestrol is also called DES. It is a drug that doctors gave women in the 1940s to 60s to stop them having a miscarriage. The daughters of women who took DES during their pregnancy are more at risk of developing a rare type of cervical cancer called clear cell adenocarcinoma. DES hasn't been used for 40 years and so is becoming less important as a risk factor.